You should really stop buying so many books. This is, unfortunately, only partially true, because as adults those straight boys become gay boys, and so, while there might be a bit of reciprocity, we’re still left fancying a friend, co-worker, or that cute guy who works at Barnes & Noble and whose glance always lingers just a bit too long when you buy a book (and you buy too many because of said cute guy.
When we get older, we hope that these inconvenient feelings will dissipate, because the real world is nothing like high school and is actually filled with ripe homosexuals who’ll lust after us and love us back. Our adolescent years are spent lusting after our (mainly straight) classmates who, if they knew that you’d had more than one wet dream about them that week alone, would’ve likely beaten the living crap out of you. These feelings of confusion are practically a gay rite of passage. Answer me this: How many times have you turned around and realized that you’d actually been lusting after one of your friends, or that straight colleague who’s always so nice to you and offers to make you cups of coffee? How many times have you sat despairing in the quagmire that is unrequited love? If the answer is a lot, you’re not unique…you’re just gay.